Today is a tough day for me. I gave my son over to the US Navy last night. He leaves today for bootcamp in Chicago, Illinois. He is going to be a Mineman. Part of me feels happy and proud for him and part of me feels like my heart is in my throat choking off the very air I breathe …. and then part of me feels peace and calm knowing that he is fulfilling his own dharma.
“How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.” ~Eckhart Tolle
I trust that if Christian (my son) feels drawn towards the US Navy, so much so that he has diligently completed the requirements to join, then this is the experience he is supposed to be having.
From the time Christian was in my womb (21 years ago), I always felt the sense that he wasn’t mine. He wasn’t a possession of mine to cling to and claim. He didn’t “belong” to me. I instinctively felt that I was a vehicle for his entry into this world and my purpose was to love him, nurture him and bring him up to let him go. I never felt that he was the sole purpose of my existence or my happiness. That seems like an awfully heavy burden to place on the shoulders of your child(ren) when they already have the burden of figuring out their own direction in life. I knew he was his own person, with his own karma, his own dharma and his own internal compass already seeded and mapped with whatever it is he is supposed to do in this world. My intent was to teach him how to listen to that internal compass as it would never steer him wrong.
“You are not the child of the people you call mother and father, but their fellow-adventurer on a bright journey to understand the things that are.” ~Richard Bach
Even though I am overcome with waves of nausea, interspersed with waves of peace, I am able to observe these frequent shifts in my body and mind today, knowing that I am neither this body nor this mind. I am the One behind the body and mind. The part of me that is behind the body and mind realizes that my fellow Spirit Being, incarnated into this world as my son, is carrying on with his journey in this life and serving his purpose. I send him out into the world with Love, Peace, a thousand Angels and the Light of the Ultimate Mother, Divine Mother to cover him and all who come in contact with him.
Aum ~ Peace ~ Amen