That Small, Still Voice, you know the One …
There is that Inner Call or Inner Compass, as I like to call It. That small, still voice that whispers in my heart’s ear, ‘It’s time.’ It’s the same small, still voice that whispered, ‘Dread’ several years ago. I knew in my Soul it was time to let them go.
Thinking, thinking …..
Fortunately, my Inner Compass is quite clear. I rarely have a problem hearing or noticing It. My old habit of hearing the Call and ignoring It, or ‘thinking about’ the Call for a few days ….. or 3 years …. before I ever take action is swiftly shifting. This time, I listened and took action fairly immediately. Taking action is my theme for this year! 🙂
The Discovery …
Upon combing out two (2) dreadlocks around my face, I inspected the brushed out hair with my jewelry loop to get a closer look and discovered the dreaded 4 letter word no dreadhead wants to see …… M – O – L – D!!! Eeeeeeekkk!!
It wasn’t visible with my naked eye, but I could see through the jewelry loop very small sand-like particles of mold attached to the hair. It looked grayish-greenish, almost like lent. This was a huge catalyst in my decision to immediately use every spare moment I had to brush them all out asap instead of taking my time letting them go slowly. Messy hair, sure! Mold …. NO THANKS!!
Sniff, sniff ……
I noticed a strange smell after washing my dreadlocks about 2 – 3 months ago. I don’t know if it’s related or just a coincidence but I started blowdrying my dreadlocks only a couple/few months ago.
My hair was locking up so tightly that it was taking much longer to dry so I began using the blow dryer to help speed up the drying process. Even then I still couldn’t get my hair fully dry, and it would take a couple of days for them to dry completely.
I do wonder if the heat of the hair dryer facilitated the development of the mold because I didn’t notice the strange smell until AFTER I started using the blowdryer.
Before then, my hair always smelled really nice, even spa-like, after washing, like the tea tree and lavender essential oils I was using to wash them with.
Perhaps I could’ve done some treatment to my dreads to get rid of the mold, but once I knew it was in there, I really just wanted them out as quickly as possible.
So, I finally finished combing out all sixty-three (63) of my dreadlocks. It only took 1 ½ weeks and:
- 30 Will & Grace reruns
- 5 episodes of John Stewart
- 1 episode of Destinations on Netflix
- 10 Big Bang Theories
- 2 PBS Italian-American Documentaries
- 2 episodes of Modern Family
- 1 Maiden Voyage documentary on Netflix
- 2 episodes of Dual Survivor
- 2 episodes of The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon
- 1 ½ bottles of conditioner
- 5 combs, and
- 1 gallon ziplock bag stuffed with combed out hair.
My natural/organic/freeform dreadlocks were 17 months old. I loved them like a Dear Old Friend. But it was time to let them go.
— [Divya’s Dreads …… October 20, 2013 – March 17, 2015] —
(You can see my dreadlock journey on youtube, here.)
Pearls of Wisdom
The Pearls of Wisdom my dreadlocks left behind include:
- Learning to trust my Inner Compass, even if it doesn’t make sense to others. Before making decisions about my life, I always stopped to consider what others would think about what it is I’m deciding to do. I traded my Internal Knowing for the potential opinion and judgement of others. Now, I have reconciled that I can still be considerate of others without giving my choices and my Life over to them.
- Love mySelf fully and completely. Sure, it’s pretty easy to ‘love/feel good about’ myself when I look in the mirror and see long blonde luxurious hair cascading down my shoulders. After all, that’s what society deems to be beautiful and desirable. But what about when my hair is all matted up like a stray dog and chaos reins in those once adored blonde locks? Can I love myself then? Can I accept myself and my journey fully and completely, allowing others to like or dislike without being internally affected by those judgements?
Yes. Yes I can. But it didn’t happen immediately. There were times in the beginning of my dread journey when I’d wake up in the middle of the night in a panic with my ego screaming at me ‘What have you done?!!! You are ruining your beautiful hair and you look like an idiot!!!!!’ Yet, that small still voice deep inside my Soul would whisper, ‘Dread.’And so I did. And so I learned. I learned to trust mySelf. I learned to love mySelf. And I learned to see mySelf, my Real Self, behind the hair, still shining through, maybe even shining through a bit brighter.
- “I am not my hair!” I Am the Divine behind my hair. See previous Pearl of Wisdom above.
- There is an order in chaos. Chaos IS part of the Order.
The organic/natural/freeform method I chose for my dreadlock journey means you stop combing your hair and allow it to form the dreadlocks all by itself. There is some separation required in the first 6 months or so to avoid having 4 massive dreadlocks on your head. But generally, you just wash your hair and let it be. This process can be quite disheveled, with hair coming together in strange blobs and clumps, with squiggly loops and bumps throughout the hair. It really does look wild and chaotic.But if you are patient, and you continue along this journey, you will see the Order that happens, seemingly all by itself. The hair comes together, going through it’s own metamorphosis of chaos to Order, and before you know it, you have dreadlocks forming.
For many dreadheads, this beginning phase (the first year) is the most challenging, but also the most fun because there is so much evolution happening to the hair and it is pretty amazing to watch.
Witnessing this evolution from chaos to Order has brought an even deeper sense of Peace to my Life. It’s comforting to me to remember chaos in Life IS part of the Order. Sometimes things have to get all mixed up, even fall apart, so they can come back together in a way that better serves our Highest Purpose.
My dreadlocks helped me remember during times of chaos in my own Life, I need not worry and fret. The Order that put the chaos in motion will also move it through my Life and return an Order that best serves my Highest Purpose.
- Move through fear, and I will find the grip it has on me is only in my imagination. I released a lot of fear during the 17 months I had dreadlocks. Mostly fear of being mySelf and letting my own individual Light shine through. Even during the combing out process I felt this symbolic connection between combing out the dreads and releasing fear that doesn’t serve me anymore. It was as though the dreadlocks were a mirror of all that I had let go of, as well as all that I had gained.
Even though I did LOVE my dreadlocks I feel liberated and lighter. I feel renewed and reborn, like a butterfly that just came out of a very deep spiritual meditative cocoon. I feel as though I journeyed back into a part of mySelf, a primordial part much older than this earthly life I currently find mySelf in. I connected with a powerful slice of mySelf that knows no bounds or fears, that is rooted in Divine and unaffected by earthly comings and goings.
Having dreadlocks was a time of deep introspection where I learned to see my own Divinity more clearly and love mySelf and my Light, instead of being afraid of using and sharing my Light.
My dreadlocks have helped me step into and own my Divine Feminine Power and I Am eternally grateful for this powerful experience. ❤ Thank you for joining me on this journey.
Aum ~ Peace ~ Amen